


It's my job to be tense, Sir

by Iamacarrot



Series: The adventures of the Red Army [3]
Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: But Tord says he needs to relax sometimes too, Fluff, He's a good leader, He's gotta be serious, I've fallen in love with the WTFuture concept, Inspired by Fanart, M/M, Matt being too serious, Pet Names, Rated Mature because there's a naughty word, Small Talk, Sweetness, Walking through the park, he's a soldier, these two i swear, they're just too cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 12:58:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15195275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamacarrot/pseuds/Iamacarrot
Summary: Tord's noticed that each of his "Old friends" has changed ever since he'd recruited them to be a part of his army. More specifically, a red haired, freckled man named Matt. He'd gone from happy and loving, to stressed and spiteful. He was now always on alert, and he never spent time alone.Well now, that couldn't stand! Matt was gonna relax, and Tord was gonna make sure of it! Tord was gonna MAKE Matt relax, if it was the last thing he did!





	It's my job to be tense, Sir

Work, train, work, more work. Work, train, work, more work. That was the routine that Matt followed day by day. He had become so used to it, and he never took any time to simply enjoy a lazy day. He always had to do something, and doing nothing made him more than nervous. So, when Tord, or, Red Leader as he forced every one of his soldiers to call him, ordered a mandatory day of rest, Matt was driven beyond his breaking point. He was a worker, yes, but he was also a loyal, well trained, obedient soldier. He wasn't necessarily keen on breaking the rules.

"Come on, Matt! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity! Just enjoy a day where you don't have to constantly train and/or sign papers!" Edd encouraged. "No! I just can't! So many things need to be done! We can't just dedicate a single day to relax! We're soldiers! Not common slobs!" Matt groaned, pulling at his hair. "No wonder he's losing hair." Tom muttered, grunting as Matt punched him in the arm. "Ow!" Tom growled.

"Guys, come on! It's mandatory, anyways! You like that, don't you, Matt? Mandatory days?" Edd asked. Matt whined, beginning to bite his hand. It was true, Matt did enjoy mandatory days, but today was so contradictory! He couldn't relax, but he couldn't break the rules! "Argh! I just want to get away from this!" Matt groaned. "Get away from what?" a certain Red Leader asked. "Red Leader! Sir!" Matt shouted, slapping Edd upside the head. "What the hell?!" Edd hissed. "He's our leader! Show some respect!" Matt ordered.

Red Leader went wide-eyed. "Has he been like this... all day?" Red Leader asked. Tom and Edd nodded. "Why?" Red Leader questioned, the question more aimed at Matt. "My apologies, Sir. I just, CAN'T relax... there's so much to be done! What if we're attacked? We'll be in no condition to-" "Ugh, since when have you been so uptight?" Red Leader groaned. Edd and Tom snickered, looking away as Matt glared at them.

"Sir, with all due respect, I am not uptight, I'm simply concerned about the unnecessary concept of relaxation." Matt explained. "Since WHEN?" Red Leader asked. Matt opened his mouth to say something, but paused, unsure of the answer himself. "That... isn't important, Sir. I just don't feel comfortable just doing nothing." Matt sighed.

"Who said you had to do nothing?" Red Leader asked. Matt perked up at that question. "Everyone has their own way of relaxing. Some sleep, some eat, hell, some even work! As long as it keeps you from going insane with stress, I'm fine with it." Red Leader assured. Matt smiled widely, blushing lightly as he rushed past Red Leader and to his quarters. "I love it when he smiles." Red Leader chuckled. "Why?" Edd asked. "It accents his old man wrinkles." Red Leader replied, making the other two laugh.

Meanwhile, Matt groaned as he saw that he had to look at mountain upon mountain of paperwork that was left behind by a few other soldiers. "This is what happens when people relax! Work gets left behind, and the schedule goes out of whack!" Matt complained, crossing his arms as he moved through the large library that led to a special place of his, somewhere that no one else knew about-

"Going to your secret room?" a voice asked, making Matt jump, turning and going into defense mode, only to see that the voice belonged to none other than Red Leader. Matt tensed before standing straight, saluting and looking at Red Leader intensely. "At ease, soldier." Red Leader teased, rolling his eye when Matt only slightly relaxed his stance. 'This man can't do anything relaxing, can he?' Red Leader thought to himself.

"Wait, Sir, how did you know? About the room, to specify." Matt asked. "Matthew, it's my base, I know about every "secret" hiding place in it." Red Leader chuckled. Matt blushed. "You look very pretty when you blush." Red Leader complimented. "Thank you, Sir, but it's a useless habit. I, sadly, can't control it." Matt hissed. Tord frowned, walking up to Matt and placing a hand on Matt's cheek. The Norwegian had finally caught up to Matt in the height department, which made it less awkward when the two were in playful combat, and less awkward when Red Leader made comforting gestures.

Well, the combat was playful to Red Leader, anyways, and the comfort he gave to Matt was less than gentle. Usually just a simple pat on the back, or a small hug. Both of which Matt envied.

Matt sighed, backing away from the cold, artificial hand on his cheek, and looking to the floor. Red Leader sighed, ordering Matt to sit with him on the floor. Matt hesitated, but ended up doing so, not wanting to disappoint Red Leader over something so trivial. The two leant against a bookshelf, neither saying a word. "You can call me Tord. For now, anyways." Red Leader offered. "Oh! Umm, I don't think I'd be comfortable with that... it seems so disrespectful." Matt hummed. "Matt." Red Leader sighed, a slight, scolding tone in his voice. "Red Leader, please. I don't-" "For me, Potato?" Red Leader pleaded.

Matt stopped. Red Leader, er, Tord(?) did NOT just pull that. He KNEW that Matt couldn't keep his composure when he was called by the silly pet name. So... apparently... Tord did.

"Red Leader-" "That's an order! Soldier." Tord growled. Matt shut up then and there. Of course Tord pulled that one. Huh, the more Matt thought about it, saying (or at least thinking about) Tord began to feel natural. "It feels so weird, Sir..." Matt muttered. Tord gripped Matt's face, forcing the ginger to make eye contact. "Right now, I am not your leader. I am your friend, and you will accept that." Tord huffed. Matt nodded. "Good. Now, uh... um." Tord hummed, unsure of what to do now.

Matt smiled. "We could... go on a walk..." Matt suggested. "Yes! We shall walk! We will walk, and you'll relax!" Tord shouted. Matt smirked, standing and helping Tord (man that was weird) up.

"Where to? My blushing ginger?" Tord asked. "Well, I was thinking about the park? Somewhere without... all of this." Matt suggested, obviously referring to the multitude of army material. "Okay, a little unorthodox, but, it'll work for me if it works for you." Tord agreed. Matt smiled. "I love your smile..." Tord sighed. "Why?" Matt asked. "Old man wrinkles." Tord simply said, walking off. "I do not have wrinkles! You take that back!" Matt shouted, chasing after Tord as the dictator began running off.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When the two arrived at the park, they said nothing for a while, Tord lighting a cigar and offering one to Matt, before they began a silly argument about how dangerous Tord's smoking problem was. "You're starting to sound like Patryck! At least try one!" Tord complained, sticking his half smoked cigar up to Matt's lips. Matt tried pushing Tord's arms away, gasping and gagging as the devil haired man managed to place the cigar in his mouth.

Matt tried to remove the cigar, groaning as Tord held the cancer pulp in his mouth. "Take a puff, and I'll move it!" Tord ordered. Matt rolled his eye, doing as told and coughing intensely as the smoke reached his lungs. "Ugh! That's awful! Why would you smoke something like that?! It tastes like... like... strawberries... what?" Matt asked, grabbing the cigar and placing it back in his mouth, taking another puff and focusing on the taste. Yep. Strawberries. It tasted like strawberries.

"You planned this, didn't you?" Matt growled. Tord shrugged, proud that his plan worked, and placing the cigar back in his mouth. "Why is it flavoured?" Matt questioned. "I find flavored cigars much more appealing. Trust me, you wouldn't BELIEVE how awful regular cigars taste." Tord said, shuddering as he thought back to his first cigar.

Matt hummed in interest, putting his arms behind his back instinctively as Tord droned on and on about the different kinds of "cancer sticks" he'd placed into his mouth. "That CAN'T be healthy." Matt muttered. "Oh, come on. You know you want to take another puff~" Tord cooed. "No, honestly, I don't. And don't look at me like that...! Tord... Tooord, I know that look! Stop it with the look! Argh!" Matt shouted, grunting as Tord pinned him to the ground, placing the rest of his cigar in Matt's mouth.

"Come on! Smoke it! You know you wanna~" Tord teased, laughing as Matt flipped their position, removing the cigar from his mouth and putting it out in the grass. "Aw! That was a good one!" Tord whined. "You're a child." Matt chuckled. "I'm not denying that." Tord replied. "I'm not letting you up." Matt purred. "Fine by me, Potato." Tord replied. "I don't look like a potato, and I DO NOT have wrinkles!" Matt whined. "Oh really? When was the last time you looked in the mirror, pretty boy?" Tord chuckled, frowning as Matt gasped, moving off of him and scooting over, hugging his knees up to his body.

"Matt... I didn't mean It like that..." Tord sighed, sitting up and moving next to Matt. "I know. It's just... difficult. Remembering that side of me. Remembering how much of a prick I was." Matt explained, looking at Tord sadly.

"You were fine, a little narcissistic, sure, but you weren't unbearable." Tord assured. "Don't lie to me. There's no such thing as "A little narcissistic." You know that." Matt huffed. "Yeah. I guess. But you were still a nice person. I could tolerate you." Tord replied. Matt leant against Tord's shoulder, sighing as Tord wrapped his arm around him.

"Tolerate, huh?" Matt muttered. "Don't focus on that. You were sweet, and caring when you wanted to be." Tord reminded, pulling out another cigar, and placing it between Matt's lips gently. Matt accepted the cigar, taking a puff as soon as Tord lit it. Tord then took out another cigar, using Matt's to light his, and then taking a puff of his own. Matt made a small groaning noise, coughing as Tord blew smoke in his face. "You gotta remember to blow out the smoke." Tord reminded. "I'll swallow it. It'll kill me faster." Matt groaned. "Matt." Tord scolded. Matt smirked, blowing out a large cloud of smoke.

"I'm surprised, usually first time smokers-" "BLEGH!"

Tord sat dead still as Matt began hurling on the ground, nose beginning to bleed. 

Tord, unsure of what to do, began patting Matt's back. "Shh... it's alright. You're fine..." Tord awkwardly lied. He didn't know that for sure. Matt groaned, swaying. Tord caught Matt before he could fall forward, lying the ginger on his back. "I need another smoke..." Matt groaned. "I think you've had enough for the day..." Tord hummed, lying next to Matt. "My bad." Tord chuckled. Matt chuckled back, blushing heavily as Tord kissed his cheek. "Feel better?" Tord asked. Matt said nothing. Tord took this as a no, continually kissing Matt's face, asking if the kisses helped every now and then.

Matt screamed internally, never before having EVER guessed that Tord fancied him in this way. At least, Tord ACTED like he fancied Matt.

It was all so sudden, and Matt wasn't complaining about the kisses... until Tord began moving Matt's turtleneck down, forcing Matt to push him away.

"You feel better?" Tord asked. "I feel like I'm gonna hurl. Again." Matt replied. Tord kissed Matt's cheek, climbing on top of Matt and making small noises, which sounded, if Matt wasn't going crazy, scarily similar to MOANS. "Matt... does that feel better?" Tord cooed. "Tord, please, this is making me a bit uncomfortable..." Matt whimpered. "Oh please, no one's around... we can do this... besides, you seem very relaxed... OH! Well, you DID." Tord chuckled. "I hate you." Matt hissed. "No you don't." Tord hummed.

"Let's just get this over with." Matt whimpered, his face never having been as red as it was now. "Happy to oblige." Tord replied.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Hey Matt! We heard you went with Red Leader to the- WHOA!" Edd shouted, pointing at Matt's various hickeys and bite marks that decorated his face and neck. "What happened?! I thought you were just walking with... Red... Leader..." Edd said, trailing off as he came to a sudden realization... and the never fading blush on Matt's face proved the point exactly.

"I can't believe it... you're such a teacher's pet! I knew you and Red Leader got along, but I never would have guessed that you GOT ALONG!" Edd howled, falling onto the floor. "What is he going on about?" Tom asked, walking into the barracks and looking down at Edd. "Look at lover boy! Wearing his marks with pride!" Edd shouted, pointing at Matt. Tom did so, blushing heavily along with Matt as he saw the marks. "Holy box of kittens in the President's Oval Office! You two-" "You boys had better stop talking to him about this, unless you want to have less than four limbs!" Tord, or Red Leader, in this case, growled. "Sir yes Sir!" Tom and Edd shouted, both trying to stifle their snickers as Red Leader pulled Matt close and into a slight dip, attacking Matt's neck once more.

"TORD! THAT JUST HEALED!" Matt complained, biting at Red Leader's neck, fangs not completely out, but his canines were sharp enough to get Red Leader to stop, pouting as he was forced to do so. "Why'd you do that? I shared my cigar with you... I walked in the park with you..." Tord muttered, rubbing his neck and walking off like an angry child.

"He came in you~" Edd teased, laughing as Matt punched him in the eye. "Worth it!" Edd shouted, doubling over in laughter. "Uh, Matt-" "I don't want to hear it! I am NEVER relaxing again! End of story!" Matt hissed storming off. Tom bit his hand, unsure of whether or not he should try to tell Matt once more about the note that was taped to his back.

The note that read: I just got fucked by the hottest man in the world.


End file.
